Grins & Giggles One Liners I just read a book about helium. It was so good that I couldn’t put it down. Why do hamburgers go to the gym? To get better buns. Why are mountains not just funny? They are also hill areas. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved. What happened when the duck fell upside down? He quacked up. Why didn’t the oyster share its pearl? It’s shellfish. What do trees drink? Root beer. Travel Why don’t aliens visit our planet? Terrible ratings. One star. What’s a pirate’s favourite border checkpoint? Arrrrivals. Why did the passport go to school? To get some stamps of approval. Why do birds fly south in the fall? Because it’s too far to walk. Money What did one penny say to the other penny? Let’s get together and make some cents. What is the difference between a man and a whole-life policy? A whole-life policy eventually matures. Boy: Hey mom, can I have 100 dollars? Mom: Son, money doesn’t grow on trees. Boy: Where does money come from? Mom: Paper. Boy: Where does paper come from? Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?” Student: “One dollar.” Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.” Student: “You don’t know my father.” Clinging onto the past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear-view mirror. Winter’s Coming What bites but doesn’t have teeth? Frost. What do you call a snapshot from the North Pole? A polaroid. When does winter begin? When autumn leaves. Electric Vehicles New Teslas don’t have that familiar new car smell. They have an Elon Musk. I walked into an EV dealership and asked them how much they charge. Did you hear about the new EV from Germany? It’s a Volts-wagen. Reality of Golf No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a two-inch branch 90% of the time. Golfers who claim that they don’t cheat, also lie. Hazards attract. Fairways repel. CSANews | SUMMER 2026 | 51
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