Grins & Giggles Little Sillies My boss told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – What did the bartender say after charles dickens ordered a martini? “Olive or twist?” – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? “Please, no stories!” – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Son, when I was your age there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Fall is the most beautiful time in Florida, really. All of the licence plates start changing colours. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I always get a little sad during hurricane season in south Florida...you could say that I have tropical depression. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I just got fired from my cartography job in Arizona. They said that I had no sense of Yuma. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I have Tucsons. They both live in Arizona. The wise man and the horse Once upon a time, there was a wise man. The wise man wanted a horse so that travelling would be easier for him. He went to a farmer and offered to buy his only horse. The farmer agreed, and the wise man paid $100 in advance and said that he would take the horse the next day. The next day when he returned, the farmer told him that the horse had died, and that he had already spent the $100 that the wise man had given him. The wise man thought for a second, and then asked if he could take the dead horse; the farmer happily agreed. After a few days, the wise man returned to the village. The farmer came up to him and asked what he had done with the dead horse? The wise man said, “I sold the horse for $500!” The farmer was amazed. He asked, “How is this possible?” The wise man explained, “I went to a nearby fair. There, I set up a small stand and offered the horse through a lottery. The ticket was only $5. One hundred and two people participated and, in the end, I gave the horse to the winner.” “Didn’t anyone complain?” the farmer asked. “Yes, the winner complained about this.” “So what did you do?” “I gave him double his money back!” – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – How do you know that someone is from California? They tell you. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – What happens when you’re driving on a highway in California and the smoke clears? UCLA – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – What did the Texas Coast Guard say to the three captured whales? Whale, whale, whale – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – What is the Texas state slogan? Oils well that ends well. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” – Pope John XXIII – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra CSANews | WINTER 2023 | 49
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