Grins & Giggles High-School Classmate While waiting for her first appointment in the reception room of a new doctor, a woman noticed the doctor’s medical school certificate on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, she remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in her high school some 45 years earlier. Upon seeing him, however, she quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been her classmate. After her exam, she asked him if he had attended the local high school. “Yes,” he replied. “When did you graduate?” she asked He answered, “in 1965.” “Why, you were in my class!” she exclaimed. He looked at her closely and then asked, “What did you teach?” ChurchGossip Irene, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old blue pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George, and several others, that everyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing. George, a man of fewwords, stared at her for a fewmoments and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend or deny! He said nothing! Later that evening, George quietly parked his blue pickup in front of Irene’s house...walked home...and left it there... all night! You’ve gotta love George! Stingy Old Lawyer A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash. “Oh, that old fool,” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.” CSANews | WINTER 2019 | 59
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